Lessons from some amazing Moms

I know Mother's Day can be hard for some. I get that so deeply in my bones. I was someone who wanted to be a mom and struggled along the way, as well as the fact that I lost my mom unexpectedly a few years ago. But this post, while about moms, is more about the amazing lessons you can get from ALL kinds of moms: someone else's mom, human mom, dog mom, future mom, mom-like role models. I have met a lot of moms over my 40 years on this planet. So while my mom played one of the biggest role in my upbringing, she wasn't the only one changing my life for the better with PRICELESS wisdom. Honesty with her passing I feel I am more open to see how my mom's essence is sprinkled among so many people in my life.

So this day after Mother's Day feels like the perfect time to pay a little tribute to my "Moms". And share the inspiring lessons each of them has given me over the years.

First, of course, my own Mom. This picture is EXACTLY the feeling she drove home often: Laugh! Oh man, this lady could make me laugh. And we did that a lot! This picture was taken in my childhood house, one evening in the winter of 2009. We lost power, had nothing to do, so we were telling made up ghost stories to Jeff on a Chopstick (Jeff's replacement since he was deployed to Afghanistan). I'm pretty sure Mom is saying BOO in this photo. It makes me laugh just looking at it. That was my Mom. Ready for a good time. And we had a LOT of them. At one point during my temporary stay with them we even filmed a video with bags on our heads singing "Oh Cecelia..." Mom taught me SO incredibly much about the power and importance of laughter. I truly miss her every single day. I hope her lightness and laughter are THE thing Reece comes to learn about her through me too.

Oh gosh this woman.... in the absence of my own mom, Julia has been the conduit in which my mom shares so much of her wisdom. Often when I have a mom question, Julia has an answer. But what Julia has taught me most: be kind and love is forever. This girl isn't related to me. We could have grown apart years ago. 1987 is a long time ago. But we keep choosing each other. When I've fallen apart shes help put me back together. When my Mom died, she was there to do ANYTHING. We've made matching shirts out of puffy paint and worn them in public (Hers actually looked good because she's way craftier than me). She is always reminding me to be good to myself. Self care. Maybe because "self care" for me often involves time with her. I literally cant get sick of her. But deeper than that, her continued dedication to us is proof that family comes in the shape of a best friend who never leaves, even when life is f-ing tough.

My next mom lesson is from this amazing lady in the blue bathing suit. She just happens to be Julia's mom, Lynn. And besides teaching me to have a LOT of fun, which I think is the central theme of all the moms today, she has shown me how patience and ease are important in relationships. Lynn married us. She is a Methodist minister. And yes, I'm Jewish and Jeff is Catholic, so it does seem odd, but it wasn't a hard pick to ask Lynn to marry us. She's known me just as long as Julia. So when my Mom wasn't a fan of some of the verbiage in the wedding ceremony, Lynn didn't miss a beat and beautifully changed the words to make her feel appreciated, honored and respected. How you make someone feel is everything. And while we sometimes get caught up in our feelings, sometimes remembering to show patience and ease over "being right" is the best thing for any relationship, and ultimately yourself too.

This woman. This mom. The weight to share accurately how powerful her love goes is a heavy burden. This is our birth mom, Rachel. And she has taught me lessons on lessons, without even trying. But if I need to pin point just one of her greatest gifts, it is: love doesn't always look how you think. Here is a beautiful soul, loving our son SO deeply that she wants his life to shine and bloom to levels she has not reached yet. Ever loved so much you choose to carry an eternal heavy burden? That love is the most powerful. And something I will forever be grateful for.

My Mother-in-Law, Sherrie. I won the lottery when I married my husband and acquired his family. Especially Sherrie. How many people love and LIKE their Mother-in-Law? I actually get pissed when I don't get quality time with her. She has lived so many moments that she always has great unbiased ideas to share. And while I probably quote her the most with the best saying, "Someone will always complain the ice cream is cold" (and that's such a great visual and reminder of the world), the lesson I cherish most from her is to love people for where they are, not where you want them to be. Ugh a heavy one. She seemingly does it so easily with people. It sounds easy, but I know it's something I am still learning to do.

Age is just a number, and this lady proves that in spades. I try to keep up with Sharon. She starts her day with an 8 mile hike (she's probably running some of it too) and then continues her day doing manual farm work: moving literal tons of dirt, digging up rocks, tearing down old buildings. Oh and did I mention she's 70. But if that lesson of youthfulness wasn't a gift to learn in and of itself, the biggest lesson I take from her is to give more to this world than you take. It's hard to find MORE generous people than Sharon on this planet. Sharon gives to seemingly undeserving people. Often to get burned by them.... but she ALWAYS continues to do it again with the next person. Her generosity doesn't know her history or baggage. And THAT is a true gift.

This smiling lady in back in my Dad's fiancé. My heart warms to know after my mother's death my Dad has found love with a truly kind and giving soul. Sue has never tired to be my mom, although her Jewish Mom game is on point! Her lesson to me, your heart doesn't need to make space. Love exists and grows exponentially. I LOVE and MISS my mom every single day. And loving Sue doesn't detract from that. If anything, my love grows because my heart loves MORE people every single day.

Anyone seen watched "The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel"? No? There is a common occurrence on the show where a young Jewish female comedian is going on stage. She's nervous, so her incredibly supportive and crass manager hollers: Tits Up! Love this. It's perfect. You can feel what that means without needing the full explanation. That is Zara to me. I could actually see her yelling "TITS UP" at me. But to find sweeter words, although Zara wouldn't need them, she's a straight shooter EXACTLY when I need it, I think what almost captures the sentiment is: You got this. You are stronger than you think. She has seen me cry far too many times, and she's there with wisdom, kindness and a good old fashioned pep talk!

Another family WIN. My brother is engaged to this GEM of a human. I almost love Yang more than my brother. Just kidding Andrew. This girl is ONE of TEN siblings. So while she isn't a human mom (She's the BEST dog mom!) at the moment, she's got years of experience and knowledge from a unique life. But that's not what makes her mom lesson so valuable. It's just her essence. She embodies curiosity. Genuine curiosity. She asks great questions and pokes and prods her way to really meaningful conversations. Seamlessly. I always feel seen and deeply appreciated by Yang. A gift I hope I pay forward to my son, family, friends and anyone else I met.

My Karla. Giving lessons on life like an 80 year old abuela. Without question, she has improved my relationships across the board. Her mom-centric advice comes sweetly packaged with empathy, compassion and grace. All while hitting hard truths. What a combo. How does she even do that? That's a lesson I hope to learn from her one day too. But without question Karla has taught me to give space for people to be themselves. Oh man did I NEED this lesson (still do). I can be overwhelming and loud and.... extra. But if I never give space for others, how can anyone show up authentically? They will only just show up as I do. The lesson of allowing the space for others to step into their light differently than I do is a superhero power. THIS lesson has been life changing for me.

This goat-loving friend has been in my life for nearly twenty years. That's wild to think about because I don't feel old enough to have friends THIS long. So with that kind of length comes a lot of opportunity to grow and learn from each other. And Shanna is the kind of friend I WANT advice from. She is direct, honest, loving, and best of all and what I've learned most is to be uniquely yourself. Neither of us have really followed traditional social norms. I love that about us. The journeys we have experienced together are, in my opinion, more interesting because of it. This dog mom and step mom just does what feels right based on her own guidance system. I am in awe of that. Being unique can be hard when its against the grain of what others think or do. So I absolutely LOVE this about her. It shows me it's possible (and in a sense gives me permission) to do that same... with grace and fun and confidence.

Paula and Natalie. Two coworkers being FAR more than coworkers. At times, these ladies have been a lifeline I needed so desperately. Between the two of them they have 6 kids ranging from school age to adulthood. They have seen it all. So it's EASY to pull out this mom-lesson if you just watch how they both live for 5mins. They both embody it. It seems to be a constant central theme. Deeply rooted in their bones. They don't know how to be any different. And it's simple too: Have SO much damn fun along the way and your kids are as fun as you. YOU gotta make fun of this life journey. Don't take life too seriously. I think I've heard that clique a bunch... But how easy is it to get caught up in "must do errands". Laundry, driving here and there, bills, groceries shopping. Man these ladies are always intentional about the BEST part of life: the fun you have with the ones you love most. When you step into their lives, you feel it. It's palpable. You want to be their friend. You want to be around them. Every time I am with them, I want more time with them. I want to create that feeling in our family unit too.

Last and not least, or only.... I probably could talk about 1703429032 other mom lessons and moments learned from others... But Christy is and will always be a pivotal part of my mom journey. She guided our path to Reece and that in and of itself is a mom-lesson worth everything to me. But again, that is not the lesson. Adoption is a unique and special path. It comes with its own set of different challenges. One of which: a birth mom is now part of the equation. Feels easier to want to downplay that role. Yes she is important, but she isn't Mom. The heart can struggle with this. It's complex. But man Christy always shares: your heart will change when it isn't A story but YOUR story. She couldn't have been more accurate. How often are we creating stories in our head: Making up possible scenarios (usually negative ones that never actually play out), preparing to argue with someone (and guessing what they will say), or developing narratives that only serve an imaginary situation. What a waste of energy. Armed with Christy's amazing mom-knowledge, paired with the insight that our hearts are never full, there is ALWAYS room to love more, has allowed for an exchange far more beautiful than I could have imagined.

So those are my most memorable mom lessons in the time I've got. There are so MANY more. And I'm learning more and more every day life happens. I hope your Mother's Day was filled with reflection of the lessons and love of any mom type roles in your life. And if you have a lesson you've learned along your journey, share below! The best ones come from others. And I just want to be the best Mom I can be. Love you all.