Murph and MaryJane
- LoveKOPPizza null
- Apr 17, 2023
- 9 min read
Continuing the "Friends with Benefits" theme feels extra weird today. I'd like to start with one of my dogs, Murph. Yeah... I know. The tagline is already kind of flirty, and now we are talking about pets. Weird, werid, werid. But we gotta talk about Murph to be able to talk about my next friend making the world truly a better place.
So first, aren't all dogs living their best life? Ugh, I guess some aren't. And anyone hurting or neglecting animals is a deeply troubled soul that needs help. But lets talk our animals. They live in the moment. They go nuts when you've been gone for 5 minutes. They sunbathe and go for walks. Soak in nature. Stop to smell.... everything. I feel like our pets have so much to teach us. My Murph definitely has. He is not only sweet and loving, but a fighter. Not a fighter fighter, but a fighter! He was diagnosed last year with a terminal brain tumor. Might I mention this happened while we were in Florida for the birth of our son and stuck for six weeks in the NICU. I have never been more devastated and filled with joy. I struggled trying to manage these two incredibly big emotions. Last week I touched on two opposite emotions living side-by-side. And boy did they during this time. I didn't have the language or awareness that I have now about it, so at the time I just felt shitty ALL the time. Felt shitty not being home to care for my boy Murph, but also felt shitty even thinking about the idea of leaving Florida while our son was in the NICU. In a sense, not understanding conflicting feelings stole some of my joy from both experiences. Luckily our circle of friends & family are truly EPIC and all-in to help. People were living at our house 24/7, monitoring his seizures, giving meds, working from my home office. Hell my Mother-in-Law flew in from Florida just to take care of Murph for a week. As if we didn't already ask for so much help during the unexpected early birth of our son, our circle gave so much, without hesitation. My heart swells just thinking about those who helped us. Murph got the BEST care. Now, over one year later, Murph is thriving! This all after being told he had three months to live.
And in case you find yourself in a similar situation, here's the combo that worked for us:
Kingsbrook Animal Hospital (Frederick, MD) did all of our initial care. VRA (Gaithersburg, MD) did all the neurology and oncology care. Holistic Veterinary Associates (Germantown, MD) did supplemental care. Rock stars. We could not be more grateful for this group of medical care!
Now, if his name wasn't Murph, named after the 1st metal of honor recipient since Vietnam, it would probably need to be Eeyore. The poor guy loves to lounge and moves at his own pace. On walks he makes sure to be at the end of the leash so passerbys think I am dragging him against his will. But in our house, we "work". Having a job, a calling, a reason for your time on this great Earth is for everyone and everything, if you ask me. I hope even my dogs have learned over the years that fulfillment comes from that too. Murph's purpose- bring joy to others.
At the ripe old age of 6 months old, we knew Murph had a gift to give the world, not only just for us. He has always been kind and gentle and patient and sweet. I vividly remember the moment I knew he was an extra special animal. We had arrived to obedience class early and were outside wasting times in the "dog park" area. Just us and another woman and her child. The child was probably half a football field away at the other end of the park, while his mom stood by the gate with us. Murph saw the boy and took off running towards him. His mother started SCREAMING! "My son is autistic!!!!" Well what was I to do? Murph's currently IN obedience school... and he's running full steam. He's NOT going to stop if I holler anything. He barely answers to the command SIT, in class, when I have treats. So nothing to do but watch. But you know what he did? This gentle giant stopped 20 feet before the little boy, dropped his most prized Kong toy, and gently nudged it over to the boy to play. From full panic mode to feeling like we were in the presence of true magic. The two played ball so sweetly for 10mins. It made my heart, the panicked mother, and the boy's heart so incredibly full.
At that moment, we knew we needed to get him trained as a therapy dog. So that is what we did. Murph finished obedience school with flying colors and we sharpened our skills with World Champion IPO handler, and friend, Marty Segretto. I'll save his story for another day. Because Marty is another friend who is in his space thriving. But with Marty's guidance, Murph and I quickly passed his therapy dog test through Therapy Dog International, and now were eligible to work.
The goal was originally to work at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center. After the personal experience we had with the military, last week's blog post, we wanted to give back. But after some research we realized the commitment was much bigger than we anticipated. At the time, Walter Reed has their own therapy dog program and to even be eligible to apply, a dog would need a great deal of experience prior to joining their team.
Like everything, we were finding our way to our calling. And our calling took shape thanks to the next amazing friend, giving back to the world in a way very few do.
Let me tell you about the amazing, MaryJane. Yeah, I know. I just spent all this time telling you about Murph. But I promise it will come together. Keep reading... its about to get good!
So MaryJane. Where do I start? I have never met someone with more grace than her. The first time we spoke was at her son's military funeral. MaryJane's daughter is the amazing Kristen who I wrote about last week. And her son, Kristen's brother, was my husband's comrade killed in Afghanistan.
This woman, after experiencing what I can only assume, was the worst moment of her life, gave the most eloquent and powerful speech at her son's service. Thirteen years later, I can vividly remember a poem she read because it stuck with me so deeply. Not only did MaryJane speak at the funeral, which in it of itself must have been heavy and hard, but she willing chose to meet and speak to every single person there one-on-one after the service. There were HUNDREDS of people at David's funeral service.
I remember lining up to speak to her. I had to. I guess I could have left without saying anything, but I never thought that was an option. Honor people with your words, your actions, your courage, your kindness. So this was our first conversation, MaryJane and I. How do you even find words beautiful enough to honor such loss? I remember feeling such warmth, grace, confidence, and love radiating from MaryJane during the service. I am still not sure how, considering the circumstance. So now I stood in line waiting for my turn to say a few words to this fallen hero's mother. With no idea what words I could say that would be meaningful enough, I shared how my husband felt about her son. Jeff spoke so honorably of David, his character, and his actions. One of Jeff's most cherished qualities is he connects with others who live and do the right thing... because that is what Jeff demands of himself. Be that person even when its hard, keep others safe, give more than you take, share your joys, serve, and laugh a bit. These things were exactly what David was by all accounts, according to Jeff.
I can only assume such a man was formed by many others like him. And I know Moms play a huge role and influence. What I didn't know then but I'd later learned getting to know this mom, was that MaryJane no doubt played a MASSIVE role in David's character. In knowing her, and hearing the stories of David, I can only assume the goodness of each (David and MaryJane) amplified & fueled the others best traits.
So it should come as no surprise that after this devastating loss, MaryJane started an organization in David's memory: The Sgt. David J. Smith Foundation. An organization giving back to the community.
This organization is impacting lives. Really impacting them. It isn't just giving to military organizations and allowing them to share with whomever needs it. Oh no. College scholarships for local Frederick students are given annually, meals are donated to our Frederick community in need, and in my opinion, best yet, off-road wheelchairs are given to amputees of war. Off-road wheelchairs? Hell yeah!!! Imagine being in a wheelchair and confined to well paved spaces. Hell, even downtown Frederick's sideways aren't that. This gives freedom in a space we take for granted.
In a time of grieving, this family chose to serve others. This was most certainly a time a family could have leaned into others serving them. That would have made sense. At that time, I would have needed so much help navigating grief, tragedy, loss, sadness, anger, pity... the list of difficult emotions is long. But this family chose service to others. What a lesson in grief. Give. And when grief came into my life, as it does for anyone who has ever had love, I chose giving to help me through. What a gift I was given that day at David's memorial service.
So now lets bridge these two special beings together. Murph meet MaryJane.... and it happened at the annual Sgt. David J Smith Golf Tournament. Every year the foundation hosts a golf tournament to raise money and bring our military family together. Jeff and I never miss this event. It's such a special time to reconnect with friends and honor David. So when I asked if Murph (again named after a Metal of Honor recipient) could come "work" the event as a certified therapy dog, MaryJane did not hesitate, and Murph's job was born!
Murph's initial job was to love on the participants at check-in. But that quickly escalated to way more. He'd help find golf balls, encourage hole-in-one putts, salute those fallen, bring love to those hurting, attempt to drive golf carts, and cheer endlessly for a low golf score to anyone who gave him attention. Murph seems to embody all that MaryJane, Kristen and David best exude. It is a match made in heaven. Figuratively and literally. It feels divine, intentional and on purpose. It is as the connection was meant to happen... and higher powers made sure of it.
So when Murph was diagnosed with a brain tumor, our hearts broke. Murph has never missed a tournament, until 2022. He just couldn't walk or stand long enough. Not that standing was ever his forte:
But once again, with an amazing circle of care and time, our Murph has improved greatly! I think it is in his soul that he will get back to the tournament. While we don't know how long we have with this terminal diagnosis, we know Murph will fight to get back to his job! From not being able to walk down the driveway, to most recently walking 1.5miles with a friend. I think his heart calls him back to the tournament. So that is what we are training to do.
Murph and MaryJane are definitely connected spirits. And there is something greatly special about them both. It is such a honor to have them both in my life. So many lessons, so much goodness, so much for me to learn from them both. Just thinking about them fills me with gratitude. And what I know is gratitude in the secret sauce to the best life.
If any of this has hit your heart too, please consider donating to the tournament or foundation. It is a place to give that feels so right.
Or better yet, JOIN US! Come play some golf and bask in the energies of Murph, MaryJane, David and Kristen. It's contagious. And impossible to leave unfulfilled.
And if that wasn't enough, this amazing lady officiants weddings. Which comes at no surprise after witnessing her speak at David's funeral and every tournament event. A job most certainly created perfectly for her God given gift with words. I kind of want to get married again just to have her preside over it.
I hope everyone finds their gifts and shares them with the world, as Murph and MaryJane do. And when you find these people, keep them close. You'll feel inspired and excited for what this world has to offer. And if that doesn't explain those feelings, maybe this picture does. Because there is no better feeling than seeing a sleepy puppy.
Sorry to hear about Murph but glad he is getting stronger.
Tissues please! I love you, MaryJane (and Murph too)! Shine on...