My Longest Relationship

Besides my parents, there is no one I've known longer than my best friend Juli. I shouldn't even call her my friend. We are aunts to each other children, we are the people we call when we have epic or tragic news, and we are the people we lean on to go through the worst of times and best of times. So she is my sister. No doubt about that. And if anything, the adoption process verified this to me this without question. Juli is my sister. We met in kindergarten. So since the age of 5, I have known and been CLOSE with this girl.

I just celebrated my 40th birthday, and so this means I've known Juli for 35 years!! There is something about a long relationship that makes you reflect. Or maybe it's just celebrating my 40th birthday that made me think. Regardless, 35 years with someone is incredible. Many marriages don't last this long. And look at us, still together, thriving. I almost don't believe it. Who I was at age 5, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35 and now 40 is NOT the same person.... I have changed tremendously over the years. I look back on myself and wonder why anyone would have liked me in my younger years? We have all acted and done things that we aren't proud of... All. Of Us. And yet somehow Juli and I, at such a young age, knew to give me each other a lot of grace. Grace to be ourselves, mess up, do dumb stuff, and laugh. But most importantly, we knew all along to acknowledge that the un-proud moments form us into the better people we are now. How were we so wise! I need to know to pass this along to our kids. I want our kids to have these moments. And I dont think those moments of change happen without a little help and feedback of true ride or die relationships.

So meet Juli.

As I started the endless process of looking for pictures of us. I realized we have a TON. More so now than our younger years since camera phones weren't around yet. I so wish they were... or maybe not.... ha.

We have done it all together: king-size-pillowcase trick-or-treating, holidays with each others families, been co-workers, gone on vacations, joined our HS dance team, been roommates, and most recently now moms/aunts to our kids. Hell, the girl drove from North Carolina to Baltimore to celebrate my 21st birthday with me. And if that wasn't sweet enough, the night ended in college diner with her sprinting after me to the bathroom at 3am with a glass of water she snagged off another party's table to make sure when I puked I had something to wash out my mouth. If that's not love, I don't know what is.

I literally cant remember everything we have done together because its been a lifetime of memories already. It is actually really fun to reminisce together because we each remember different stories and exchanging them gives those moments life again.

But a few memories really stick out about Juli.

First, not such a happy one. But a deeply meaningful one.

My mother passed away unexpectedly. I remember being in the hospital not knowing what the heck was going on. I vaguely remember calling her and asking if she would share with others. I had zero mental, physical or emotional bandwidth to talk to anyone. So I needed help. She did it. Without question she took the heavy burden of sharing truly tragic news with our shared community of friends. She didn't object or sigh knowing the weight of this request. She was on it.... and asking what else she could do. This in it of itself was one of the greatest gifts I could have asked. But of course I asked more from her. We needed our closest family members to carry my mother's casket from the hearse to the grave site. The family was definitely grieving and not prepared. So at the funeral we turned and asked.... Yup, she did it. And in sandals might I add. In this moment I have never felt more honored, loved, and cared for.

Love has no scorecard. She loved me so HARD during this time. She gave and gave and gave to me. And I was in no place to be able to give or support her back. Lesson one.

To add icing to the cake, I later received a gift in the mail. Quiet possibly the most emotional gift I have ever received. Juli had found one of my mom's favorite recipes, written in her handwriting, and had it made into a cutting board. I'm not much of a crier, but I burst into tears the second I saw it.

Second stand out story has been becoming a mom with Juli. Raising a child is hard. Yeah yeah, everyone says that. It literally trial and error. OR if you are lucky enough you have an amazing mom to give you advice, you lean on her. Mom's know. They were your mom, so now that I'm a mom I want go to my mom for help. The only problem, well you know. But I am BLESSED 10-fold for my Mother in Law. That's for another blog post. She is one of my best friends who happens to be my MIL too. I won the family lottery for sure. But she's not my mom. No one can be YOUR mom, but your mom. But you know who's damn close- who knows me and knew my mom for THIRTY years? Juli. We have endless stories of our childhood with her. My mom would let us talk on the phone for HOURS. No seriously we would just hold the phone to our ears, not talk, but watch TV for 8+hours together. Why the heck did my mom allow that? Or better yet, my mom would go pick her up to come over eat Fruit by the Foots and record music off the radio to make mix-tapes. Oh gosh. Does this sound OLD or what? Tell me your reminiscing your childhood too!

Since my bestie is a mom herself, she has become the closest thing to MY mom. And if you want my truthful belief, I think my mom passed knowing she'd be channeled back through Juli. My mom lets me know in so many ways how she is around and part of my life. Juli is one of those ways. It gives me goosebumps just thinking about it.

She's the hard advice I need to hear, a shoulder to cry, the person most excited to see me win, and someone I could sit in silence with for hours (although we probably wouldn't be quiet).

All of this blog to say, above all else relationships matter. They are the reason we thrive during our short time on this planet. I truly believe without these kinds of interactions we would live less meaningful lives. So the older I get, the more I cherish, foster, and take time care for my relationships: both big and small. Most importantly, we continue to keep choosing this relationship for each other. Relationships of any kind are a lot of work. In my opinion, intentionality in relationships is essential. Of course there are seasons for friends. This is totally not a negative part to friendship either. I have amazing memories of friends no longer in my life. And I love them deeply still. We only have so much time and energy to give. So without losing friends, we couldn't gain new ones without burdening our load. We grow and change and we only have bandwidth for our intentional priorities. So some relationships will come and go. And thank goodness for that. Those that go open us up to allow someone new and special to come in. I think sometimes people assume relationship last over time because of the history/shared experiences. And while history is helpful to creating connection and good stories, it is not the end all be all for the relationships that matter. Does this person make me better? That is my question for everyone in my life. And the degree in which they do, parallels the closest of the relationship. And I am intentional about that. I hope everyone is THIS lucky to have a person or persons like Juli. She is an angel on Earth to me! And while this relationship's history is long, some of my other best and closest friends have been in the last few years. So when I saw this meme, it hit home in my heart to what my next 40, 50, 60 years on this beautiful Earth might be like. What a blessing! Both for Juli, and for the love I have and that will come!

So reach out to those relationships that matter. You will never regret making time for those! Love you forever and always Juli. Thank you. XOXO

Ah ok.... one more Juli and Marcy pic.... nope two: