New Years Happiness

Helloooo 2023! Welcome! I've been excited for your arrival. But I'll probably write 2022 on all my checks for the 1st six months. Don't judge me. Yepppp... I still write checks. Venmo? What's that?? Jokessssss..... haha kind of.

Anywayyyyyysss..... Every year January 1st comes around and I reflect on the previous year- what was tough, what was most memorable, what changed, what felt fulfilling, what challenged me, what didn't serve me, how I felt during different seasons, where did I fail and where I succeeded. The goal of my reflection? To bring to light the things that created the most happiness so, in theory, I can set goals/intentions/actions that I believe will get me there again. I think a lot of people do the same. Everyone wants more happiness. It is literally the secret sauce to a meaningful life. Whatever happiness is for you. Maybe that's more money, a more fulfilling career, weight loss, an epic trip, an airplane (1000% my husband). Whatever it is we want, the reason is happiness. I love ANYTHING that makes people happy. So lets make those things happen! Even the airplane!

Now what I know for sure is life can't be predicted or controlled. There is a 100% chance things don't go exactly how you think. And if we aren't highly motivated, adaptable, or prepared, we change focus, loss momentum, make unexpected choices, push off our goals, and end up annoyed at ourselves. I cant tell you how many times I promised, swore, made the intended goal: "I'm going to read 5 books, 10 books, 3 books whatever" and I found myself falling short and feeling bad. So let's not do that this year!

Here's what I tried last year and it has made my year most definitely happier and more successful:

1) Set a clearly defined priority list.

2) Write a clearly defined list of areas to grow.

Easy-peasy, right? Yup. So let's dive in to how it helped me.

1st the priority list.

Mine:

1) Me

2) My husband and son

3) Family (As defined by Richard Bach, "The bond that links your true family is not one of blood but of respect and joy in each other's life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof")

4) My inner circle of friends

5) Work

6) Friends

I've found when I stick to this list, life is fulfilling in the ways I want it to be. There is NO right or wrong order. Maybe work is your number two! Or maybe 5th. It doesn't matter where. This is all about YOU! The reason for the list: life will pull you in all different directions and if you don't clearly know where your allegiance lies you could be pulled off your happiness course. I will suggest your number one be yourself. Self care is real. However, I've had seasons of putting lower on the list. And I'm not mad I did.

Now, I think it is JUST as important to know that just because you don't do something does NOT mean it was not, or is not, important. It simply means there was something higher on my list. I guarantee if you stick with the priority list, you will feel more joy and happiness. But lets have that pep talk NOW. Real life will happen and you'll be better equipped to know the right move when it does! Here's what happened to me last year: My husband and I were FINALLY out to dinner with DEAR friends of ours. Not just friends. These people are in the family category. They are that special. We hadn't seen them in MONTHS. It had taken forever for our schedules to match. So as we were sitting down outside at a wonderful Frederick restaurant, I received a phone call from a friend. The friend wanted my help immediately so they could help focus on a medical issue. Even writing this now I feel the guilt creeping up. How could I not help a friend in need. Ugh. I genuinely didn't know what to do. I could help a friend (#6 on the list) or be with my family who dropped their plans and drove an hour to spend time with us (#3 on the list). It literally killed me on the inside. So out came the priority list (In my head... I don't actually carry this in paper form around... although if you do, heck yes! Do you!) and made the call based on what I always say is most important. But just because I didn't help this friend, didn't mean they weren't important. But that friend was not, at that moment, more important than the current company based on the circumstance. This still hurts I couldn't do both. But in retrospect, my decisions aligns with my priorities and ultimately I'm really glad I made that call. I have found this method to be a better mousetrap then allowing the squeaky wheel, or Jewish guilt (if you are me), to get the oil.

Now to growth.

Think goals and character development. Who do I want to be at the end of 2023? What would make you both proud and happy? This list is going to be short: 3-5 points. You're not Superman. The more on your plate = the more on your plate (profound I know). Also nothing overly detailed. The goal is what you'd be proud of if at the end of the year even if a 1% improvement/difference. These items should give you focus to make intentional actions to move the needle towards the goal. Meaning, during chaos or calmness, you should be able to keep these items in mind and actionable.

Here was my 2022 areas of growth list:

Better health

Read more

Try something new

Try something that scares me

Give back to others

This is WAY more effective for me than actual specific outcomes. Previously I pressured myself and set the goal to read 5 books. Big goal for a girl who is dyslexic and does not like to read at all anddddd who is very slow at reading too. It is painful at times to focus. So previously I would inevitably miss the mark, feel like I failed myself, or that I didnt try hard enough. But I would always read more than if I had not made the goal! So why wasn't that valued success to me?! Even one book is a big deal for me. But I wouldn't allow myself the win. I hated that I felt bad. So instead, in 2022, "read more" was the goal. This didn't tell me how much to read. AND it doesn't emphasis books. I can read online articles, listen to books on tape... whatever reading looks like for me. I get to decide what feels like moving the needle towards "more reading". Which also means I KNOW intuitively when I'm trying to game the system too! Reading my texts or my son's children's books didn't count for me. Just like "Better Health" for me isn't working out to compensate my decision to eat the bag of candy corn. No needle movement there. You know your own loopholes. So it is easy to know when you're trying to fool yourself. These are honest goals you WILL have to work towards. They just don't have defined numbers you are aiming to achieve.

*Now if you want an added way to get success- get an accountability partner. Someone to check in on you. Find those "HELL YES" friends who will cheer you on and remind you when you're being stagnant. I am endlessly grateful for my fitness friends who send me messages when I haven't moved my body in several days. You know who you are.... and I'm going to workout now.... promise!*

So there you have it: your two lists. Write them down. Keep them front and center on your mind. Implanting action is however and whenever you put in the work (and maybe a blog post for another day). But for now, you clearly know where you want to go.

This method is just what works for me! It helps me take small steps in the big picture. That seems to be WAY more effective than tackling a big mountain. But HEY! Maybe you're detailed-orientated person, like my hubby, who can motivate and thrive on metrics and information. If so, heck yes! Read 15 books a year! Lose that 20lbs. Start the business! Plan that trip to Hawaii. New Years Resolutions are meant to inspire, drive, and create more happiness in your life. Whatever that looks like for you, definitely do it!

The world is your oyster to decide, at anytime, what new fun you want to have. Growth is fun. It really is the secret sauce for life. And yup it's scary and overwhelming too. But I seem to always find happiness in this process. And once on the other side, I most often say I would never go back. So make 2023 your year!!! And if you happen to pick "Try New/Weird Foods" and tackle it while on your big birthday cruise, like my friend Zavier did, for the love of everything good, please film it, post it and tag me. I laughed, cheered and was immediately inspired to write this blog post.