Reflection on 40 Years

Holy Moly. Something about the number 4-0 has me thinking. Not in a bad way. Oh gosh no. Definitely in a good way! I've had 40 amazing years on this planet. So many ups and downs, great adventures and moments I've had to step back and learn. What fun! To know where you are going, I've recently felt we need to look at where we have been. I'm sure that's a quote. And I bet someone way smarter than me has said it, and said it more elegantly than me too. But that's it in a nut shell. So while some people could be stressed and anxious about entering a new decade, I'm quite the opposite. I'm here for it! I want to celebrate it. I want to honor it! My biggest focus this year has being intentionality. I'm ADHD and dyslexic, so I see a squirrel and there I go. And while I 100% believe in allowing yourself to follow your flow-stat, this is more like anything squeaky gets my attention. So for me this means being super focused on my priorities (that I established back on Jan 1) so I fuel the areas in life that bring me life.

Ah and with a quick google search.... wouldn't ya know, Maya Angelou said it. And there is no doubt she is way smarter and more elegant than me. Also if she said it, you know it's legit important.

No other way to do this but to take time to reflect. Uninterrupted, focused me time.

Now for me to really have something sink in it needs to be my full attention and I need to write it down. I can't just think about my past and let those thoughts shuffle through my mind. If it doesn't end up on paper, tangibly and visually, my mind will let it be a fleeting thought. I don't want fleeting, I want this to be memorable, meaningful and impactful thoughts about my past and future. I want this to be a driving force in how I live my next 40+ years. So on my big 4-0 birthday planned to carve out time to journal.

So come my birthday I knowingly chose to I set an alarm for 3:30am. Yep, crazy right? Not for me, I guess. Jeff wasn't even surprised. Although he did offer to take care of Reece so I could sleep in. But nope... I wanted to have the morning to create the current and future self I desire. And I LOVE early mornings. Something about the darkness, the smell of coffee, and the silence surrounding the day that makes me come alive. Remember, my goal this year is to be focused on being intentional. So what's more intentional about setting an alarm and starting the day with what I choose to do. Firstly, I worked out. You probably think that's because I'm obsessed and working out is always fun for a person like me. Well let's debunk that right now. I am not always motivated or inspired to get a workout in. Not even 50% of the time. My energy around fitness comes in waves, and I'm currently riding the "I'd rather sit and drink coffee with my dogs" vibe. But I know moving my body equals exponentially more happiness for my day. Plus it helps clear my mind, give me more confidence, pride, patience, love, respect, energy, excitement, drive.... oh the list goes on and on. So while Coach Murph doesn't cheer me on or even give me feedback, I push through more days than not to set myself up for success.

I guess the first truth of being intentional is it's not always the easy choice. Actually, most of the time it is the opposite. It's often the choice that requires more work. It's usually counterintuitive to gratifying our immediate selves. Delayed gratification = Success. Heard a super successful entrepreneur say that and it is SO true. So while I'd love to sleep in, ignore the To Do list, and eat waffles for every meal, my intentional self knows better. So on my 40th birthday, I guess I could have treated myself to sleeping in, but I didn't. And I'm happy I didnt.

The workout was quick and fun. Does anyone care? Or want ideas? 5 rounds of: 20 straight leg dead-lifts & 20 bicep curls. Then 5 rounds of: 25 weighted step downs and 25 triceps extensions. Capped it all off with 15mins stretching.

So after working out for 35mins, I grabbed my coffee and sat down. It took a few mins of thinking to really pinpoint what I wanted to reflect on. I started with the questions I wanted to ask myself. That would be the easier work. And that would set the direction of my thoughts. So here's what I came up with:

1) What am I doing right, right now?

2) What areas should I work on to be my better self?

3) What have been my greatest achievements?

4) What am I most proud of?

5) What lessons have I learned/stuck with me most?

6) What were my best/favorite/most memorable birthdays?

7) What are your next goals?

Seems like a lot to think about, right? Not really. Each of these took only a few minuets. You kind of already know deep down the answers so this is more an exercise of bringing those thoughts to light. This was exciting to do and reminisce. Each question had my wheels going and digging into my memory for a story or feeling to match. Some stories I pulled out weren't the answer but gosh they were fun to dust off and think about. And when I found the answers, it felt like magic. And if that wasn't fun enough, I swear doing this exercise has me remembering experiences even now. Even yesterday a hilarious and forgotten story of driving hours with my brother after stepping in cow shit came into my mind. Ohhh we were both pissed. And I ended up driving barefoot.

The entire reflection session took about 30mins. 30 mins! That's it. In 30 short minuets I felt so deeply connected to myself in such a positive way. I glowed more. And it's been lingering. Why haven't I done this on a birthday before? You best believe I'll be doing it every year from now on. And you should too. Gift yourself your best self. Seriously! Hell.... even if it's not your birthday today, take these questions and figure it out.

Curious what I said and how I answered these questions. Well here we go:

1) What am I doing right, right now?

-Sticking to my priority list.

-Making more intentional choices for my mental, physical and spiritual health.

-Getting outside daily.

-Carving time for people over being so damn ridged.

2) What areas should I work on to be my better self?

-Listening, listening & listening.

-Loving/accepting people for where they are at.

-Setting boundaries that protect my energy.

3) What have been my greatest achievements?

-My community. The people around me. My network. Gosh... and how much love I feel from family, friends, coworkers, random people I meet. Thankful I have worked at making space for all of them. And thankful I value investing in letting people feel seen, heard and supported.

4) What am I most proud of?

-My RID certification.

-Setting up this blog from nothing and continuing to practice writing.

-My role as a human, coworker, wife, friend, family member, client, leader (#3 in a nutshell)

5) What lessons have I learned/stuck with me most?

-How you treat people is how you will be remembered.

-Kindness matters.

-Sometimes laughter is the best choice.

-You don't need to let everyone have full access to you at all times.

-At any moment I have the control to make a different choice.

-Everything comes at a "cost" but that expense isn't always a negative thing.

-Score cards will never equal true honest happiness or real relationships. Give more and if/when you need help, it will come in troves.

-Tell people often how much they matter to you. Big or small.

-Be focused on who matters most. So when life pulls you in different directions, you are clear on where to go.

-Don't paddle up stream. trust the universe, G-d, your gut. It knows exactly where to take you.

-Your biggest critic can be your biggest driver. Don't be mad at those people in your life. They are helping you too.

-The best/most memorable moments in life have been unplanned. Leave space and plan to not plan.

6) What were my best/favorite/most memorable birthdays?

-21st birthday with Juli.

-16th birthday when I got my drivers license.

-20th birthday in Acapulco.

-13th birthday which was my Bat Mitzvah.

-39th birthday when we came home from Florida with Reece.

7) What are your next goals?

-Write book.

-Start beekeeping again.

-More adventures.

-Stretch more. Expand mobility.

-Enjoy being present: phone down anytime someone wants to talk.

Now each of these bullet points, while clearly stated for me to understand, also come with an explanation and story too. They are not as simple as they seem. Nothing in life is that basic. We are complex beings. We have thoughts and experiences and feelings that come attached to everything in our lives. So while this list looks simple, it is fulllllll of deep and connective moments that light me up. And while I spent about 30mins writing them down, I think I spent at least double that sharing the inner feelings and amazing stories all with my husband. Love that guy.

I think everyone should do this at least once a year. Writing it down in the best! And hell, now that I have blogged about it, I've gotten the joy of reliving each question, as well as memorializing the answers for easy access reflection... andddddd..... accountability. I feel insanely responsible to be this better version of myself because I've shared this all with you. That weight feels heavy but in a good way. I don't want to let myself down. And I don't want to come back and let my words appear meaningless. Also this felt like a huge practice in vulnerability. Try it out. Then share it with those you trust. Well don't share everything. I know I haven't. But share deep stuff. You would be surprised how others can be motivated, inspired, support by your inner most thoughts.

And if you loved anything about this blog post, share one, or all, of these questions below. I would love to share in your thoughts, goals, and experiences... AND cheer the hell out of you!!